I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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