If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize