found the other keg... it's in the tree
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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