i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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