Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize