hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
