and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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