I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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