The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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