she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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