I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
