How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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