I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize