I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
