His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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