So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
