My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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