Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
