saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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