One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
