remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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