brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
