SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
