I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
