Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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