my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize