i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
