I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
