can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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