So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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