just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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