I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
