I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
