Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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