so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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