My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
