I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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