you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
