No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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