He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
