i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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