Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
