Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
