That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
