So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
