break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
