He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
