i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My pussy is not your playground.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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