The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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