Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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