The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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