im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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