so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
