if you like me you must not know who I am
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
