Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
