well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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