I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
