whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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