I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
