Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
